Now Playing : Can You Hear It - Taeyeon
I have realised just what a mess my last post was. Note to never read or write anything like that EVER again.
Today... I`m quite devo about everything.
Devo verb
To be devestated
Today was the last day of the year 12s.
That means byeee to Jackie, Jess, Annie, Mel, Teressa, Ness, Angel, Maegan and Jade TT__TT Which means no one there for me to worry to or know that somebody is in a worse position than me. How unsettling the feeling.
Even the glum weather agreed with me, drizzling while they released the balloons.
The leavers muck assembly was funny; no question about that. The communist dictatorship themed assembly was amusing for all, from Nicola marching around with a rifle threatening to shoot at anyone who coughed, wore a cardigan or summer jumper or had staff standing for the duration of assembly. I haven`t laughed at school like that for quite a while. Sadly... o__o But it was after that which made me just that bit depressed. The official handover was toching; I have to admit I`m not a fan of change and letting go; it was kind of a shock when I realised that I may never be ablke to fall asleep in assembly again without 450+ pairs of eyes staring at me at the front of the stage. It`s quite worrying, me thinks I need mroe sleep next year. That and the role models I`ve watched over the last few years are gone, instead this girl has to become and take on the responsibilities of Art Captain. I`m worried frankly that I`m nto good enough and I`m njto mature enough abotu everything.
Balloon sending off, then the tears came. Minus me. Year 12s with puffy eyes. I remember sayign alot; "Let`s keep in touch", "Do well in exams and best wished for exams" or "I`ll miss you so much..." and the juvenile requests like "Can we stil...hang out?" I have to admit, it`s the first time Iv`e hugged Jess without feelign the pain of suffocation in a while. I`m so worried about everything...that I`ll never be abole to see all of them again.
In a way, I know that this will be the last time I`ll see these people. But I`m hoping that I`ll still be able to talk to them if I see them.
On a brighter note, I`ve found that other people have been talkign to me since the officials have been announced., To me, I`m happy but I can see the hypocrisy in that. I`ve been given opportunities to be acknowledge and acknowledge others. That for me, gives me a sens eof deeper appreciation.
I figured that leaving PC is inevitable; time doesn`t stop for anyone. After all, I`ll be doing it next year. And then I ponder about what I`ll do with my life. What I`ll be in future, the inevitable growing old, whether I`ll be able to find someone, will I survive in that big big world? The kindy and prep girls performed for us this year; with the theme that it`s better to be small, because it`s only when you become big when you realise how good it is to be small. The realisation of that has hit me; it`s kind of like a wake up call that time flies so fast and sooner or later, you have to break out of that sheltered life and be alone, independent and survive on your own. When I was a kid, I took for granted the fact that all adults were smart. That was it was just a given and they knew for the best. You wake up the morning of your 18th and BAM, you knew everything and were mature enough to make choices. I realise nwo that that`s not always the case. You are in charge of what you learn and don`t learn. I`m scared really that I`m too immature and can`t deal with things. I`m scared of stepping up and facing the responsibility that lies ahead of me.
Like this afternoon at the Officials afternoon tea. While meeting with all the other Arts captains and discussing responsibilities liek Creative arts, I realised how sheltered we are and how even if you want to change things within a society, you can`t because of the restrictions placed upon the circumstances, even though your expectations are somewhat different. I have to admit I was disappointed in many aspects of that discussion. Things I want to speak out aainst, but it would be too hard. Things that might have later worse repercussions. Those restrictions I hope `ll learn to like, just like that sheltered environment which PC has. That hat I detested in year 8 and 9, I`ve come to view as beign cute now. That blazer which smelled like dog whn it got wet and was a bother now warms me when its cold. Appreciation of things come over time. I think its for the best because I`ve foudn things I don`t liek at first have often becoem my favourite things after a while.
Despite all this fear, there is a sense of excitement which I feel for the future. I can`t wait for planning of the ball next year, can`t wait for the leavers jackets, can`t wait of TEE to be over and leavers to start and cannot wait for independence when I get to uni. However very obvious hurdles are in my way before I can achieve these things. The prospect of being more in control scares and excites me.
I only hope that thigns can get better.
//.2330.28102008.end
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
A for Attempts
Now Playing - Yelle - A Cause de Garcons [Booster Remix]
I love how music can be meditative =)
Gosh at the moment, garcons are the worst. Well, un garcon anyway. Luckily that`s mostly packaged up nicely and posted off to some other country, definately not mine.
I`ll start off first by celebrating my ecstaticness at finally getting Art Captain!!!
WOO!!! I`M SO HAPPY FOR THAT!
Staring from Thursday when a 'counselling' session was organised for us year 11's to deal with the stress and emotions coming from Officials coming up on the Friday. It was a session which more or less wasted a full long form, as instead of calming us down, it managed to make everyone worry about their friends who didn`t receive a position or the people they were going to talk to in the case that they were devestated by not receiving a position. That and wondering whether Ms Padgett was really shorter than Ms Cheng and who would make the better Barron House Flag Bearer.
Pointless? Tick.
Friday....ahh, the day I recall fondly. The day was pretty much abuzz for 3:10 pm. I managed to calm myself down pretty well that day and tried (unsuccessfully) to convince myself to not to expect anything. I mean, for the last few weeks since voting, I`ve been like a cow being prepped up for the eventual slaughter; people telling me their excpectations of beign art captain. I`m glad in way, becasue all the people I cared about voted for me, so in a way I was already content. Also, I managed to overcome the intimidation coming from the already reigning year 12 art captains Maegan and Jade, who are really sweet. I don`t undertsand why I thought they were so intimidating.
Anyhow, period 5 was...a mis of everything. That rich chocolate mudcake, heavenly as it was made me feel sick and uncomfortable, such that "sucking it in" had no effect. Finally, twhen the surrent officials came out of their classrooms to await the news of their successors, I was so nervous I hid underneath a table, in which I was met with the confused Shona who asked 'Why are you underneath there?' I was coaxed out, and tried to fall asleep, which didn`t work.
I must admit, the story would be funny if I fell asleep when they came, if not hilarious moment. For the sake of a funny story, I wish I did, haha.
Then Eve got called up, for vice music captain, sending nerves up tenfold. So glad that not long after, Maegen came through those door with a YELLOW flower asking for a Cassandra [last name blanked out]!! *insert excited squeal*
After that, it was a muddle of hugs and people as it sunk in. I swear, I have not felt so happy because everyone was there congratulating me and smiling. So much so I got jokingly angry when I started crying. Naomi, ahem Head Sacristan oh-nine, commented "You're crying!" met my choking tears reply of "NO I`M NOT!!" Going to the principal's office in happiness and not fear is somethign I definately never expected. But I think the most lovely gesture was the saluting walk the 12s formed when we walked out. And then, Mrs Mac, less her, she was there congratuilating me "Congratulatios Cassii, I know you`ve always wanted this" That for me really meant alot, Im glad someone`s been watching me =)
After that, had tea with all the officials, which was sooo good. I`m really glad as well that Lauren got vice, because we know each other pretty okay.
Ohh!! So exciting!
So that leads me to Saturday, which was one killer of a day, literally. I nearly offed myself about 3.5 times that day.
1) Dance has always been a killer, with lao shi breakign my "quas" and knees. Dying on a Saturday has always been a regular thing.
2) I ran out on the road looking at one side only. A big black car could have hit me. I`m thankful I`m still here. As Belle would say "Youve just done a Cassii"
between here, I managed to make an idiot out of myself by asking why the naked lady drawn for mardi gras had no nipples. Apparently it`s a G-rated event. Which completey explains why the lady in naked. o_o
While Tai and Mushu went to the state library to get their stuffs, me and Belle saw this guy yelling things up at the sky like a philosophical twat, and we thought it`d be funny to get up on the 'art' outside the state library and pose. Unfortunately for me, I didn`t realise that I had acquaintances whcih I knew nearby until they got closer and the embarassment made me crumble into nothignness.
I have no pride left =___="
Leave it to Michael to laugh at me like crazy while Mushu, Tai and Belle look confused as to why he`s approaching me and laughing like a maniac. That in itself would be worth 1.5 lives.
If you were a cat, BAM more than a third if your life GONE!
IN A DAY!
Sighh, to make matters worse, I couldn`t find the Mi Goreng at Emma's. I`m so devo.
Perhaps attending Halse`s bday would have been a better idea. Sure would have boosted my confidence instead of pushign it into the negative direction.
Though earlier this week, namely Firday and Saturday of last week, TOFA`s Fetsival of Lights was one. I must say, it blew me away. It was a fantastically organised events, and the Indian girls were just so lovely to us when we were performing. Did I mention they`re gorgeous and can dance Bollywood great?
I was on a such a high that I unable to say anythign but good thigns. I might mention here that I also nearly got run voer twice during a two day period. Thus the term "Doing a Cassii" was born.
Tuesday and Wednesday saw the Anhui Troupe performing and it was great. Well, I`m not an opera person, so I didn`t appreciate the singing, but the make up and costumes were divine! And one of the performers was always joking with us and being quite friendly even though there was a massive language barrier. The even itself was organised quite poorly, and so were we, the worst performance of Kang Ding ever took place on the Tuesday, though this was appeased on Wednesday when we recovered. Tuesday was a nightmare waiting though. 4 hours for the finale was hardly worth the wait, where I managed to miss not only Friends, but also NCIS (shock horror). In that time, Belle, Gem and I managed to have some pretty crazy conversations and laughing. Jennies on the other hand "Im bored, I`m going to put on my fake eyelashes' She`s so funny. More of this craziness is expected when Belle is holding a Halloween party this Friday, which I shoudl probably start thinking about costumes.
EXCITING!!
Anyway, I better go, lots of things going on next week!
//.2602008.2150.end
I love how music can be meditative =)
Gosh at the moment, garcons are the worst. Well, un garcon anyway. Luckily that`s mostly packaged up nicely and posted off to some other country, definately not mine.
I`ll start off first by celebrating my ecstaticness at finally getting Art Captain!!!
WOO!!! I`M SO HAPPY FOR THAT!
Staring from Thursday when a 'counselling' session was organised for us year 11's to deal with the stress and emotions coming from Officials coming up on the Friday. It was a session which more or less wasted a full long form, as instead of calming us down, it managed to make everyone worry about their friends who didn`t receive a position or the people they were going to talk to in the case that they were devestated by not receiving a position. That and wondering whether Ms Padgett was really shorter than Ms Cheng and who would make the better Barron House Flag Bearer.
Pointless? Tick.
Friday....ahh, the day I recall fondly. The day was pretty much abuzz for 3:10 pm. I managed to calm myself down pretty well that day and tried (unsuccessfully) to convince myself to not to expect anything. I mean, for the last few weeks since voting, I`ve been like a cow being prepped up for the eventual slaughter; people telling me their excpectations of beign art captain. I`m glad in way, becasue all the people I cared about voted for me, so in a way I was already content. Also, I managed to overcome the intimidation coming from the already reigning year 12 art captains Maegan and Jade, who are really sweet. I don`t undertsand why I thought they were so intimidating.
Anyhow, period 5 was...a mis of everything. That rich chocolate mudcake, heavenly as it was made me feel sick and uncomfortable, such that "sucking it in" had no effect. Finally, twhen the surrent officials came out of their classrooms to await the news of their successors, I was so nervous I hid underneath a table, in which I was met with the confused Shona who asked 'Why are you underneath there?' I was coaxed out, and tried to fall asleep, which didn`t work.
I must admit, the story would be funny if I fell asleep when they came, if not hilarious moment. For the sake of a funny story, I wish I did, haha.
Then Eve got called up, for vice music captain, sending nerves up tenfold. So glad that not long after, Maegen came through those door with a YELLOW flower asking for a Cassandra [last name blanked out]!! *insert excited squeal*
After that, it was a muddle of hugs and people as it sunk in. I swear, I have not felt so happy because everyone was there congratulating me and smiling. So much so I got jokingly angry when I started crying. Naomi, ahem Head Sacristan oh-nine, commented "You're crying!" met my choking tears reply of "NO I`M NOT!!" Going to the principal's office in happiness and not fear is somethign I definately never expected. But I think the most lovely gesture was the saluting walk the 12s formed when we walked out. And then, Mrs Mac, less her, she was there congratuilating me "Congratulatios Cassii, I know you`ve always wanted this" That for me really meant alot, Im glad someone`s been watching me =)
After that, had tea with all the officials, which was sooo good. I`m really glad as well that Lauren got vice, because we know each other pretty okay.
Ohh!! So exciting!
So that leads me to Saturday, which was one killer of a day, literally. I nearly offed myself about 3.5 times that day.
1) Dance has always been a killer, with lao shi breakign my "quas" and knees. Dying on a Saturday has always been a regular thing.
2) I ran out on the road looking at one side only. A big black car could have hit me. I`m thankful I`m still here. As Belle would say "Youve just done a Cassii"
between here, I managed to make an idiot out of myself by asking why the naked lady drawn for mardi gras had no nipples. Apparently it`s a G-rated event. Which completey explains why the lady in naked. o_o
While Tai and Mushu went to the state library to get their stuffs, me and Belle saw this guy yelling things up at the sky like a philosophical twat, and we thought it`d be funny to get up on the 'art' outside the state library and pose. Unfortunately for me, I didn`t realise that I had acquaintances whcih I knew nearby until they got closer and the embarassment made me crumble into nothignness.
I have no pride left =___="
Leave it to Michael to laugh at me like crazy while Mushu, Tai and Belle look confused as to why he`s approaching me and laughing like a maniac. That in itself would be worth 1.5 lives.
If you were a cat, BAM more than a third if your life GONE!
IN A DAY!
Sighh, to make matters worse, I couldn`t find the Mi Goreng at Emma's. I`m so devo.
Perhaps attending Halse`s bday would have been a better idea. Sure would have boosted my confidence instead of pushign it into the negative direction.
Though earlier this week, namely Firday and Saturday of last week, TOFA`s Fetsival of Lights was one. I must say, it blew me away. It was a fantastically organised events, and the Indian girls were just so lovely to us when we were performing. Did I mention they`re gorgeous and can dance Bollywood great?
I was on a such a high that I unable to say anythign but good thigns. I might mention here that I also nearly got run voer twice during a two day period. Thus the term "Doing a Cassii" was born.
Tuesday and Wednesday saw the Anhui Troupe performing and it was great. Well, I`m not an opera person, so I didn`t appreciate the singing, but the make up and costumes were divine! And one of the performers was always joking with us and being quite friendly even though there was a massive language barrier. The even itself was organised quite poorly, and so were we, the worst performance of Kang Ding ever took place on the Tuesday, though this was appeased on Wednesday when we recovered. Tuesday was a nightmare waiting though. 4 hours for the finale was hardly worth the wait, where I managed to miss not only Friends, but also NCIS (shock horror). In that time, Belle, Gem and I managed to have some pretty crazy conversations and laughing. Jennies on the other hand "Im bored, I`m going to put on my fake eyelashes' She`s so funny. More of this craziness is expected when Belle is holding a Halloween party this Friday, which I shoudl probably start thinking about costumes.
EXCITING!!
Anyway, I better go, lots of things going on next week!
//.2602008.2150.end
Saturday, August 23, 2008
L for La La La
Now Playing - Heaven - Big Bang
24/7 heaven, let`s go~
If only I could be. I love this song, it makes me half want to lose myself in the music.
The last week or so have been great I think.
I got to see Alice and Evie. Those girls are like my breath of fresh air to keep me in check. ACE!
Did I mention Alice's mum is the best cook ever? My tummy orgasms at the thought of her food. And her family is just woah. Her brother is like a fluffy lollipop.
The on Friday went out with Irina and Xue. They`re so lovely =) Also saw Annie and JP, who are Year 12 awesomeness (Well, Annie is. JP not so sure). Then that night I suppose I got ker-fuffled? Just a mess of jealousy and envy really.
But then today, before dance, I got scared and cowardly when faced with the source of my problems =/ Luckily dance helped me calm down. That contemporary stuff relly helps. That an improvisation choreography. I had this full adrenaline rush when showing stuff and it`s just...extremely nerve racking.
I`m glad I did it cuz it just helped my confidence alot more =)
Also, I`ve realised lately how much I`v ehcanged. And I`mnot sure whetehr I liek it or not. I`ve become detached from Hui and Belle and everyone. But at the same time, I feel more confident. Whch I think is bad cuz then i`m turning into those bimbo airheads.
Please, don`t let me get that stupid.
I need to vent my jealousy and anger at myself in another outlet other than being depressed. That and food ><"
Way to make friends.
Way to be nice.
Way to make myself feel better.
Way to be selfish.
Way to get noticed, a deer in headlights?
Way to get frustrated.
Think i`ll go chill out with some dance before it affects someone else.
//.0019.24082008.end
24/7 heaven, let`s go~
If only I could be. I love this song, it makes me half want to lose myself in the music.
The last week or so have been great I think.
I got to see Alice and Evie. Those girls are like my breath of fresh air to keep me in check. ACE!
Did I mention Alice's mum is the best cook ever? My tummy orgasms at the thought of her food. And her family is just woah. Her brother is like a fluffy lollipop.
The on Friday went out with Irina and Xue. They`re so lovely =) Also saw Annie and JP, who are Year 12 awesomeness (Well, Annie is. JP not so sure). Then that night I suppose I got ker-fuffled? Just a mess of jealousy and envy really.
But then today, before dance, I got scared and cowardly when faced with the source of my problems =/ Luckily dance helped me calm down. That contemporary stuff relly helps. That an improvisation choreography. I had this full adrenaline rush when showing stuff and it`s just...extremely nerve racking.
I`m glad I did it cuz it just helped my confidence alot more =)
Also, I`ve realised lately how much I`v ehcanged. And I`mnot sure whetehr I liek it or not. I`ve become detached from Hui and Belle and everyone. But at the same time, I feel more confident. Whch I think is bad cuz then i`m turning into those bimbo airheads.
Please, don`t let me get that stupid.
I need to vent my jealousy and anger at myself in another outlet other than being depressed. That and food ><"
Way to make friends.
Way to be nice.
Way to make myself feel better.
Way to be selfish.
Way to get noticed, a deer in headlights?
Way to get frustrated.
Think i`ll go chill out with some dance before it affects someone else.
//.0019.24082008.end
Sunday, August 3, 2008
R for Replay
Now Playing - Too Much (Club Remix) - Crown J & Seo In Young
I think that as you may have noticed, i`ve scrapped the P`s, they annoyed me and scrutinised my brain.
Gosh, what is with people and the acronym lol?
I dislike the many uses of the word.
1) 'lol' as a conversation filler/killer
Addressing this issue of the word lol, not as a 'laugh out loud' but as a word in agreement is evil. Why BOTHER replaying if you`re not going to give a decent reply?
2) lol...
When you laugh, you LAUGH OUT LOUD, not laugh out loud... It`s a humourous thing, that`s why you open your mouth and laugh, not open you mouth and given an awkward half smile/half laugh to be polite.
3) lol?
This use of the word makes me the most angry. The use of it in this sense degrades me. You don`t laugh with a question mark. If it`s funny you lol, if i`ts not, you change topic and move on. What if it was just a comment on somethign with the intent on not being remotely funny, You don`t "lol?" and make everyone feel like an idiot. Same with if someone cracks a mega lame joke, you lol?-ing doesn`t help anything. By doing this, you degrade the person! Tellign them that you get it, and it`s not funny, you could easily have just changed topic end of discussion. Or laughed at the person, not the joke.
Gosh, and I could go on, but I`m so exhausted and tired already.
This is all thanks to my affectionately labelled 'brickboy' whose vocabulary consists and is limited to lol?, lol...,yeh, thanks, true and nm.
You`d think that such a brainless lemming wouldn`t exist in the form of a human attending school , but no he just proved society`s level is dropping.
Like quoted from conversations on msn, brickboy is like one of those frustraing skilltesters, it`s a 1 in 800 chance baby. So stop wasting your time and money on that stupid thign and get onto somethign liek the crocodile bashings; soemthign you and can win at by cheating =D
Gah, i`m tired night.
//0046.03082008.end
I think that as you may have noticed, i`ve scrapped the P`s, they annoyed me and scrutinised my brain.
Gosh, what is with people and the acronym lol?
I dislike the many uses of the word.
1) 'lol' as a conversation filler/killer
Addressing this issue of the word lol, not as a 'laugh out loud' but as a word in agreement is evil. Why BOTHER replaying if you`re not going to give a decent reply?
2) lol...
When you laugh, you LAUGH OUT LOUD, not laugh out loud... It`s a humourous thing, that`s why you open your mouth and laugh, not open you mouth and given an awkward half smile/half laugh to be polite.
3) lol?
This use of the word makes me the most angry. The use of it in this sense degrades me. You don`t laugh with a question mark. If it`s funny you lol, if i`ts not, you change topic and move on. What if it was just a comment on somethign with the intent on not being remotely funny, You don`t "lol?" and make everyone feel like an idiot. Same with if someone cracks a mega lame joke, you lol?-ing doesn`t help anything. By doing this, you degrade the person! Tellign them that you get it, and it`s not funny, you could easily have just changed topic end of discussion. Or laughed at the person, not the joke.
Gosh, and I could go on, but I`m so exhausted and tired already.
This is all thanks to my affectionately labelled 'brickboy' whose vocabulary consists and is limited to lol?, lol...,yeh, thanks, true and nm.
You`d think that such a brainless lemming wouldn`t exist in the form of a human attending school , but no he just proved society`s level is dropping.
Like quoted from conversations on msn, brickboy is like one of those frustraing skilltesters, it`s a 1 in 800 chance baby. So stop wasting your time and money on that stupid thign and get onto somethign liek the crocodile bashings; soemthign you and can win at by cheating =D
Gah, i`m tired night.
//0046.03082008.end
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)