I for I`m a bitch, YAY

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I think this rather different approach to naming my blog title today is.. perhaps a little unorthodox and lame...

I figured it`s true though; I`ve been really mean to some people lately and for the wrong reasons. Being not very nice or not as responsive to Gem, Michael and Shona just makes me feel damn guilty. All 3 have been nothign but nice to me, and I`ve either been mean or trying to avoid them of late. Gem, I know she`s quiet and stuff, but because I`m nto used to her and I`m a Class A attention whore, I suppose I`m selfish and don`t want to share? What is wrong with me? She always looks quite sad and lonely in dance, and doesn`t open up much. I know she`s got family issues which restrict her alot which causes her to be rebellious, and I just wonder sometimes. I shouldn`t be in a position to judge her but be there in a place to help her instead. I just..really hope for my sake that my anxieties about her will be proved wrong and she`ll feel more comfortable around me and the dance girls. Argh. And Michael, nuff said. I`m being a complete and utter biatch to him, but I`m trying to make up for it. Not really working, but I guess I gotta accept the fact I`m too proud and that can get in the way of people sometimes.

But Shona I feel the worst about. Over the last few weeks, I`ve been talkign to her less and less. And I feel regret that it`s turning out this way, cuz she is a really sweet girl who will always be there for you. Shell be there to support me even though I`m the most annoying and non compassionate girl there. I remember being disappointed with my test mark, but happy at a just pass. I know my expectations for that test were not high, but after contemplating my overall performance in g&t I realised I`m really slack and terrible at it. And so there I was moping over how bad I am at G&t and, while Shona bless her was comforting me even though she didn`t pass.

Gah, why am I so bad?

Why do I seek to cause others more pain by beign so self centred?

...


Just a break from that, apart from today's depressive mood, I`ve had one really good week. Friday was Halloween and I had a fantastic time at Belle`s party. It was great; there was me in my povo matchstick girl cross cavegirl outfit complete with scary hair and eyebags to freak out unsuspectign parents and their children. My hair, no kidding was protruding about 15 cm from my head in all directions in a mess of teased hair and really good smelling hairspray [thanks belle!]. There was Me, Hui, Taii and Belle initially, where we mucked around with costumes and make up to heighten the Halloween experience, followed by a house decoratign session where candles and roses were littered around the house in true Gothic style It was lovely; like a scene out one of those Gothic mansions. Belle's house surprisingly has the right setting with the roses, candlesticks and fireplaces. Later, we went trick-or-treating, a first time experience for all fo us, but successful anyhow. With a stash of lollies stashesd in Neopolita [for those who aren`t acquainted, that`s my bear bag ^^] we headed home to meet Mel and Mushu who were quite hialriously dressed. We then proceeded to eat camwhore and then made a circle, and in true CWD style start telling horror stories which were rudely interrupted by funny comments [only because Mushu was telling the story, there are too many funny things with that] which mroe or less broek the effect fo the story. Later when the tone of our setting was mroe serious, it was when we started actually beign afraid to the point where when Belle`s sister`s boyfried came out to get a glass of water we screamed our heads off and piled into one heap in terror. After we got too scared to tell anymore stories, we decided it was time to play random games, like those asian gameshow styled weird ones. First off was the candle blowing out with a straw game, which I epic failed; fialing to blow out ONE candle which other large lunged friend managed to get rid of 6 in one blow. Thus, the rolling over fail move was born. It was also here which we all reaslied how pathtic I am with fire, spawning the cavegirl reference. After, it was a chubby bunny game which I also lost after 6 rounds, while Belle, Taii and Mel persevered to about the 9th round. All I can say is for a big fat mouth which says too much at bad times, it was an extremely bad night. It was decided after that we needed to leave at midnight to get home, seeign as Mushu, Taii and me had a studyign date to make that day.

I lost alot of hair that night.

That morning studyign at the library was pretty productive, at least I got something done.

Dance was good, Lao shi`s been complimenting me ^^ so that can`t be bad. That and not practising Kang Ding, it`s gotta be a hit!

Later we visited the Northbridge festival,m which was pretty good I have to admit. All arty like that and the atmosphere was pretty good too if it wasn`t for the hotter weather. We spied some super cute mobile cushions unfortunately they were couple onjes. So being idiots liek we are, Belle and me bought them and exchanegd as signs of "friendship." Haha, it`s quite pathetic ain`t it =)

We as a group all went to bakery and bought delicious bread, which I`ve become addicted to of late. From there, we split up to go home. Me and Belle got into one of those phiolosophical life talks but this time about [cue giggle] boys. Bumped into Michael and Jay, which is somethign I truly regret. I got embarassed and tried to avoid sayign anythign to Michael and in the process made myself look like a complete idiot in front of Jay. Haha, Cassii, way to go, screw up your rep not only with Lion dance, but with everyone she knows now. Sigh, me and my big mouth. Oh well, me and Belle got super cute keychain bunnies which are AWESOMENESS; hers have a gold suit on and mine apparently lookjs like pasta with buttons according to Gary. It`s awesomeness anyway and I`m in love with it at the moment. We had a good logn chat and I`ve decided I`m too imaature to have a boyfriend. That and I would have too many commitment issues. Ha-ha. We both decided we`re both too centred on ourselves for the time being to be caught up with someone else. I personally would rather having guy friends over a boyfriend. Plus I can see so many bad points about myelf which would immediately disqualify myself from beign attractive to anyone in any form =)

I would like to change that, but I need to concentrate on my studies at the moment. Unfortunately being considered a failure isn`t on top of my list of priorities at the moment.

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